I just finished watching an episode on GhostHunt - Silent Christmas. And it made me think about the little match girl. And it made me think about orphans, me and God. I am estranged and rejected by my family - I have but one trustworthy friend. So I am not an orphan, but I am familiar with the feeling of being lonely.
Loneliness is different from being alone. Loneliness can come when one is in the midst of a party; you smile, mingle and crap about things. But it is a facade as you try very much to look forward and close your eyes on the weeping loneliness within. I do miss not having a proper childhood, and am envious of children with even averagely loving parents. Many do not understand what this means - they do not even contemplate the subconscious reliance on having a family, and a network of close accepting friends around them. Its this underlying trust that regardless of what happens, someone will take you in, hug you and support you.
I wonder what do orphans feel. Those who never knew their parents. Those who knew their parents briefly. I was there, similar to the little match girl. Wandering around alone on a cold Christmas night, looking at all those joyful faces and warm hugs; with all the gifts around them and my own poor empty hands. And that desire to return where I can receive the one unconditional love: heaven, in God's arms. Would it better to never have parents, or to have parents that reject you at every turn?
Do orphans feel the same way? That deep inside they long for a close family; just an average one even. And they deal with it by just looking forward and not dwelling on it? That they accept it as their lot? Beneath each of those smiles, I wonder.....
Loneliness is different from being alone. Loneliness can come when one is in the midst of a party; you smile, mingle and crap about things. But it is a facade as you try very much to look forward and close your eyes on the weeping loneliness within. I do miss not having a proper childhood, and am envious of children with even averagely loving parents. Many do not understand what this means - they do not even contemplate the subconscious reliance on having a family, and a network of close accepting friends around them. Its this underlying trust that regardless of what happens, someone will take you in, hug you and support you.
I wonder what do orphans feel. Those who never knew their parents. Those who knew their parents briefly. I was there, similar to the little match girl. Wandering around alone on a cold Christmas night, looking at all those joyful faces and warm hugs; with all the gifts around them and my own poor empty hands. And that desire to return where I can receive the one unconditional love: heaven, in God's arms. Would it better to never have parents, or to have parents that reject you at every turn?
Do orphans feel the same way? That deep inside they long for a close family; just an average one even. And they deal with it by just looking forward and not dwelling on it? That they accept it as their lot? Beneath each of those smiles, I wonder.....
No comments:
Post a Comment