Reminiscence

Maybe I was not ready for love.
For a time, I admit I was not.
Then for a time I thought I was.
Now I'm not sure, but pray I am.

I've grown comfortable with myself.
My schedule surrounds me tightly.
There is barely room for another,
And I wonder, am I suffocating myself.

I thought I knew what I wanted,
But history has shown naught.
Yet this day, a little clearer, a little wiser.
And I hope I do so now.

The lessons showed me flaws,
But they also showed me my strengths.
They caused me to fall,
But showed me that I could get up again.

Bygones collect dust over the years,
Like frames forgotten and shelved,
Yet they still stay around,
In a small little space on the mantle.

Why...

Why am I always here,
Writing about all the pondering,
About all the yearning within?
It's Valentine's day tomorrow,
And I can't help looking
At the loneliness of my hands.

Why am I always caught,
Hesitant about crossing the gap,
To pause at the open doors,
And to test the other locked ones?
Then to stop the open from closing
Only to have them slam shut.

Why is there always a battle,
Between logic and feelings,
To find caution mixed with eagerness,
Or perhaps it is plain longing,
Surging and crashing against reason;
Tumultuous waves slamming against a rocky cliff.

Why...

Lonely, Lonely, Lonely

Shrugging of the cold Sunday night wind,
Trying to focus on the work at hand.
Can't help thinking of today and the coming week,
Can't help feeling, I need a hug.

It's lonely, lonely, lonely,
Beneath all the strength and push,
There's something that I want that isn't here,
Or is it somebody, oh I ain't so sure,
Gotta keep moving on, looking ahead,
Trying to live and not just survive,
Ignoring and pushing off the starkness within.

Might have been better if the high wasn't there,
Asking myself if I'm just pretending,
For all the messing around and drinking,
Digging deep and checking for the real me,

It's lonely, lonely, lonely,
Beneath all the strength and push,
There's something that I want that isn't here,
Or is it somebody, oh I ain't so sure,
Gotta keep moving on, looking ahead,
Trying to live and not just survive,
Ignoring and pushing off the starkness within.

It's still a battle I guess, despite all the calm,

Deep within trying to rest and let go,

The contradictory silence,

The broken singleton within.