Reminiscence

Maybe I was not ready for love.
For a time, I admit I was not.
Then for a time I thought I was.
Now I'm not sure, but pray I am.

I've grown comfortable with myself.
My schedule surrounds me tightly.
There is barely room for another,
And I wonder, am I suffocating myself.

I thought I knew what I wanted,
But history has shown naught.
Yet this day, a little clearer, a little wiser.
And I hope I do so now.

The lessons showed me flaws,
But they also showed me my strengths.
They caused me to fall,
But showed me that I could get up again.

Bygones collect dust over the years,
Like frames forgotten and shelved,
Yet they still stay around,
In a small little space on the mantle.

Why...

Why am I always here,
Writing about all the pondering,
About all the yearning within?
It's Valentine's day tomorrow,
And I can't help looking
At the loneliness of my hands.

Why am I always caught,
Hesitant about crossing the gap,
To pause at the open doors,
And to test the other locked ones?
Then to stop the open from closing
Only to have them slam shut.

Why is there always a battle,
Between logic and feelings,
To find caution mixed with eagerness,
Or perhaps it is plain longing,
Surging and crashing against reason;
Tumultuous waves slamming against a rocky cliff.

Why...

Lonely, Lonely, Lonely

Shrugging of the cold Sunday night wind,
Trying to focus on the work at hand.
Can't help thinking of today and the coming week,
Can't help feeling, I need a hug.

It's lonely, lonely, lonely,
Beneath all the strength and push,
There's something that I want that isn't here,
Or is it somebody, oh I ain't so sure,
Gotta keep moving on, looking ahead,
Trying to live and not just survive,
Ignoring and pushing off the starkness within.

Might have been better if the high wasn't there,
Asking myself if I'm just pretending,
For all the messing around and drinking,
Digging deep and checking for the real me,

It's lonely, lonely, lonely,
Beneath all the strength and push,
There's something that I want that isn't here,
Or is it somebody, oh I ain't so sure,
Gotta keep moving on, looking ahead,
Trying to live and not just survive,
Ignoring and pushing off the starkness within.

It's still a battle I guess, despite all the calm,

Deep within trying to rest and let go,

The contradictory silence,

The broken singleton within.

Mixed Signals

In the middle of the night
I'm tossing and turning
I cant sleep with my head spinning
I cant rest when my heart's crying.

She pushes then she pulls,
She smiles then she scowls,
I don't understand what's going on here.
I need a direction, a compass,
The fog's heavy and it aint lifting
I want out but i want in,
O, The confusion of her mixed signals.

I'm thinkin real hard,
Tryin to make sense of it all,
Seeking for the glow of comprehension
And the peace of the matter.

She pushes then she pulls,
She smiles then she scowls,
I don't understand what's going on here.
I need a direction, a compass,
The fog's heavy and it aint lifting
I want out but i want in,
O, The confusion of her mixed signals.

I thought this, I hoped that,
Figuring out her isnt my best,
Cant she see this torment she put me in?
Does she not know im writhing within?

Hot then cold is the worst,
It cracks the hardest rock,
It shreds teh toughest metal,
Where do i get the strength to weather this,
Why do i continue blindly for this
When i fear that it maybe unrequited and for naught?

She pushes then she pulls,
She smiles then she scowls,
I don't understand what's going on here.
I need a direction, a compass,
The fog's heavy and it aint lifting
I want out but i want in,
O, The confusion of her mixed signals.

@->-- Wei Min

I Love You

I love you, with no idea how,
Nor from whence and where.
But I feel that destiny calls,
And we are meant to be.

To be with you is always a joy,
Though I have only seen
Your sparkling smile
And beautiful radiant person.

Because I would love to be,
The one whom you rely on,
The one whom you cry upon,
The one who will love you no matter what.

I will embrace you through your joys
And lift you up when you tear,
I will give you all that I have,
And find more if you need it.

I am not perfect, not at all,
I am not always correct,
I will surely upset and disappoint,
But please forgive me each time I fail.

Please know that for all my rights and wrongs,
My intention is never to hurt you,
Only to love you each and everyday
To be there for you now and always.

I love you, with no idea how,
Nor from whence and where,
But in the deepest parts of my heart,
I love you, I love you, I love you.

@->--- Wei Min

Hope of the New Year

It's a beautiful new year,

Looking ahead to the good,

Bracing in faith against the bad.

Above all hoping for her to be mine.

Been a while since I've seen her,

Really want to hear her voice

The sweet tones that vibrate

The deepest parts of my heart.

Thinking of her, praying,

Hoping that I'd not mess up,

Longing for the chance to

Give my love and my all to her.

In the photos in her FB account,

Her smile sparkles without concealment,

The porcelain dress matching 

Her elegance, charm and radiance.

It's a beautiful new year,

Looking ahead to the good,

Bracing in faith against the bad.

Wondering when we'd hold hands.

@->--- Wei Min

I Miss Her

Reading her messages,
Repeating each line,
Imagining her saying it to me.
Wonder why I am so incompetent,
In reaching out to a gal's heart,
To her heart which seems to elude my grasp.

I do not understand her,
Trying my best to give to her,
Been alone too long,
Forgot how it was to consider and love.
Relearning lots of stuff,
Hopefully I will be in time.

I miss her a lot,
Hoping that no one before
And after will catch her eye.
But she probably doesn't know it,
Had the chance, but missed it.
Had the chance, but it slipped through.

I don't want to lose her,
Set my heart to fight for her,
To convince her that I love her,
Yet fearing that it will push her away,
Wondering whats the way,
If it would be too sudden if I just ask her out.

Reading her messages,
Praying really hard,
Thinking with my heart beyond rationale,
Trying to reach through,
Wanting to hold her,
Missing her so much.

@->--- Wei Min

Hold

I've been thinking,
Where to draw the line,
If things can be a bit more.
I don't understand,
What is right and when is wrong,
To not make things worse.

Oh, I know that I need to hold,
Hold myself from racing to you,
Not that you aren't good,
But because I don't want
To lose another friend.

I don't know much,
Especially when to toe the line,
I'm learning from those around.
I see them being caring,
And I want to care too,
But I don't know if you'd see it that way.

Oh, I know that I need to hold,
Hold myself from racing to you,
Not that you aren't good,
But because I don't want
To lose another friend.

I so hope for someone to be by me,
And I'd so like to just
Love and care for someone.
But I don't know what you are thinking,
I've trashed many friendships before,
Because of foolishness and gall,
So, I don't want to lose you,
At least I get to talk to you still,
Even if things are not meant to be.

Oh, I know that I need to hold,
Hold myself from racing to you,
Not that you aren't good,
But because I don't want
To lose another friend.

@->--- Wei Min

Teddy Bear

Maybe I'll just buy a teddy bear,

A white or brown one,

But surely a cuddly one,

To warm my heart,

When I'm feeling cold.

I'm just a normal guy,

Just need a hug,

Just need to cry.

I don't understand this world, never really did.

Seldom a good soul, barely two.

The coldness and injustice,

The evil and lies,

Few ask for my side, my story,

Always the trodden upon.

I am always alone, bullied, and trampled.

The little hedgehog no one loves.

Do I really look strong,

Don't they see further within,

That the one who smiles the most,

Maybe the one who cries to sleep at night.

Maybe I'll just buy a teddy bear,

A white or brown one,

But surely a cuddly one,

To stand by me,

When I'm feeling abandoned.

I'm just a normal guy,

Just need a hug,

Just need to cry.

I will not look at them, nor bother with them.

They who judge so quickly,

They who spread lies to cover their wickedness,

Avenge me oh Lord, fight for me,

Send me good souls,

For else I would have no hope.

Maybe I'll just buy a teddy bear,

A white or brown one,

But surely a cuddly one,

To pretend-hug me back,

When I'm feeling lonely.

I'm just a normal guy,

Just need a hug,

Just need to cry.

All those hypocrites, 

Preaching love and assuring support,

Yet never once listening to me,

Always turning against me,

Blind self-righteous people without empathy

Throwing stones when they are scarlet,

When the mirror reflects a crooked person.

Maybe I'll just buy a teddy bear,

A white or brown one,

But surely a cuddly one,

To soak up my tears,

When I'm feeling cold.

I'm just a normal guy,

Just need a hug,

Just need to cry.