The Unspoken Words

It was dusk just before the sun hid under the horizon with its amber glow. The coolness and beauty of the moment combined fittingly with peaceful inner solitude. So many words to describe it. So many emotions and thoughts. But these never came.

And like that moment, floundering always in trying to vocalize my thoughts and feelings. The words that were rehearsed never came out, words of encouragement, sincere compliments, of concern and of love. I can't express myself to those I hold dear. Maybe it's because I don't understand the workings of informal social interactions, I don't know how it works. Maybe it's because I've been alone for too long. Maybe it's because I haven't had a real conversation in years~

But just like that beautiful sunset, those times will always be remembered and cherished quietly in my heart.

A Beautiful Lonely Morning

Such a beautiful morning. But such a lonely experience. To have the one I so hoped for so distant away. Sleeping in the dorm two hundred meters away. If only I had someone to share it with. If only ~ sigh. 

Stepping Onward

I've decided to change from writing about down times into sharing the favorite photos that I have taken. Photography is one of the most amazing things. Of course, I will still write a tad. I think. So i will start with this, which is currently my FB profile pic.


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Its the end of the tracks;
This is where the rails meet.
From the past that I had,
And to the future that I seek.

Between the barren metal bars
Upon the unforgiving rocks,
A little flower blossoms
Beneath the dancer's feet.

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想着相见太晚

凌晨六点， 脑海里想着你
想着何时开始喜欢你，
想着是否应该爱上你，
是否该给我们个机会。

听着情歌，心里混乱悲伤
想着为何会相见太晚，
想着即将面临的分离，
是否应该放手，告别。

两人的路程稍微交叉，
不知不觉就产出火花，
而却快速的熄灭离别。
年龄差别距离长远
不该阻止相爱的心，
但我就没勇气接受，
就怕无法对你专一。

怀念最近，快乐欢喜不少
想着未来没你的日子，
想着心里挂念的可惜，
希望离别时不要流泪。

两人的路程稍微交叉，
不知不觉就产出火花，
而却快速的熄灭离别。
年龄差别距离长远
不该阻止相爱的心，
但我就没勇气接受，
就怕无法对你专一。

虽然认识不久，希望
以后的路别忘了我。
希望两人保留友情，
希望你会寻找真爱，
祝福你个美满将来。

I was an Option

I don't want to be an option.
I don't want to be one of the many
That your fickle selfish heart considers.
I want to be your choice to draw near;
I want to be your decision to care and love.
Just as I have decided to love you,
So I hope to be your only choice.

If I knew the flame was flickering
If only I had the courage
To step up and hold your hands,
Perhaps today would be different;
You would not be out there
With a dozen different suitors
But here loving me and loved by me.

If then I had grabbed every opportunity
If only I needn't have to relearn
How to respond to each hint
That you so carefully dropped;
Then I won't have to miss you quietly,
I won't have to smile even
When it hurts inside to see you out there.

I don't want to be an option.
I don't want to be one of the many
That your fickle selfish heart considers.
I want to be your choice to draw near;
I want to be your decision to care and love.
Just as I have decided to love you,

So I hope to be your only choice.
I can tell that you do still have feelings,
Even though if it were a drop.
I know that you still care for me,
That there is indeed chemistry between us.
So why won't you admit and stop pretending,
When you already know my feelings?
Why test my persistence and your apathy?

I don't want to be an option.
I don't want to be one of the many
That your fickle selfish heart considers.
I want to be your choice to draw near;
I want to be your decision to care and love.
Just as I have decided to love you,
So I hope to be your only choice.


But you still chose to be out there.
So I will warm my frozen heart

And learn from our sweet interactions
And I will give my love and care
To someone to whom I am not an option,
To someone who will make me
Her choice, her love, her life.

I've Got a Friend

I've got a friend.
I thought I didn't.
Someone who will talk to me.
A good bro who listens to me.
A good pal who shares with me.

I've got a friend.
I thought I didn't.
Someone who I thought was lost.
A good sis who listens to me.
A good soulmate who shares with me.

I've got a friend.
I thought I didn't.
Someone who provided for me.
A good bro who gave to me.
A good kin who I treasure within me.

I've got a friend.
And I thought I didn't.

Those Walls

I've built the fort so high,

That I can't see over them.

I only hear the waves of loneliness

Surging and crashing against its outside;

No longer am I inudated.

But I am now separated from the warmth of touch

That cannot penetrate to me.

I've built the walls so thick

That I can't see through them.

I only see the blue clearing skies above

Forgetting the clouds that surrounded me;

No longer am I in darkness.

But I am now blinded to the beauty of the coming dawn

Taking place behind those walls.

Oh oh, I have forgotten how it is to be loved,

And to love in return.

Oh oh, I have forgotten how it is to be touched,

And to touch in return.

I need to tear down these walls of mine,

To reach out to her waiting outside,

Before she turns and walks away.

I've walled myself in so thick,

That I can't feel through them.

I see the emotions evaporating

The wisps and vestiges of my haunted past;

While I feel no pain and cold,

I feel no love and warmth; but numbness

That now permeates me.

Oh oh, I have forgotten how it is to be loved,

And to love in return.

Oh oh, I have forgotten how it is to be touched,

And to touch in return.

I need to tear down these walls of mine,

To reach out to her waiting outside,

Before she turns and walks away.

I gotta relearn how to give and love,

I gotta relearn how to wait and smile,

I gotta relearn how to be vulnerable;

All these I have forgotten,

Yet I hope that they still reside within me.

But how much time do I have,

As opportunities slip by me...

Oh oh, I have forgotten how it is to be loved,

And to love in return.

Oh oh, I have forgotten how it is to be touched,

And to touch in return.

I need to tear down these walls of mine,

To reach out to her waiting outside,

Before she turns and walks away.

It's 3am

It’s 3 am, I’m listening to an acoustic cover,

And I’m just thinking of you…

I ain’t gonna hide it from you,

But you’ve been on my mind for a heck of a time.

Sure we ain’t known each other long,

But gosh, would you know, that it seems

That I’ve loved you for much much more.

And I’d just thought that I’d let you know:

That I may be dumb,

That I may not catch all the subtle signs,

But I am really into you.

That I may not know how to say things

That I may fumble and fall,

But if it’s for you, it’s worth all of it.

Sure, I ain’t got my shit together.

I’ve got scars from long ago,

And though they don’t hurt anymore,

There’s much I need to relearn.

Give me a chance,

Oh, please tell me that you would still look my way…

And I’d just thought that I’d let you know:

That I may be dumb,

That I may not catch all the subtle signs,

But I am really into you.

That I may not know how to say things

That I may fumble and fall,

But if it’s for you, it’s worth all of it.

Don’t see me still and confident with you,

There’s a nervous and eager one inside;

I’d love to watch those dramas,

And go shopping with you; just don’t mind my taste

And I know you’d be fine without me,

But I can’t imagine a day without you….

So I’d just thought that I’d let you know:

That I may be dumb,

That I may not catch all the subtle signs,

But I am really into you.

That I may not know how to say things

That I may fumble and fall,

But if it’s for you, it’s worth all of it.

It’s 3 am, I’m listening to an acoustic cover,

And I’m just thinking of you…

Lonely: Noone Listens, Noone Cares

I'm all alone. The night is cold and silence. The days are hot and mute. I have no one to talk to, no one confidante. No, it is not verbalizing my intents and expressions for social purposes, but the revealing, sharing, and outpouring of my heart, fears and hopes. And to receive encouragement, assurance, acceptance; even love. Unconditionally.

So many things have not gone according to plan. Or even without a plan. As a ballroom dancer, I have not found a partner for a year. A dedicated committed partner, not one who promises and not deliver. Even hopes for a module did not spare me the disappointment of going through it with those claiming to be reasonable and logical, but displayed not an ounce of those traits. Things are stalling. And I feel like giving up on so many occasions. But I will still grit it. It so much easier to give up now, but I'm so much stronger to carry on.