Ramblings

I wonder, if i'd have someone to care for me. Not service me. Care for me. To love me. To assure me. I feel depleted of motivation yet not drained of life. I feel exhausted but a drubbing monotonous machine hums along. I just wish, as have been all these years, for rest. For peace. And for once more, eternal respite.

Ramblings of a Lonely Heart

Everyone is asleep beneath whirring fans in the cool night air. Thoughts jumbled in my head and feelings swirling in my heart; there is noone i can speak to. Looking around, peaceful faces hiding beautiful dreams. So many years have passed and i feel like im two steps behind them in career, love n life.

I cannot understand, the purpose of my life and me, with all my weaknesses that noone understands, with stories that noone hears, with scars that noone soothes. I stand stoic, believing for the best and yet deep within, fearing the worst, that weird contradiction, so scared to open up - not that anyone would care.

The promise i made lingers: to live life n nt abandon it. Yet the desire for respite still tugs at me, and sometimes i wonder if im regressing from all that the Lord has molded me.

And in the darkness n solitude, i remember what i desire:
Love, warmth and acceptance;
Hugs frm plain ol' relationships.
To trust n be trusted,
To love and be loved in return.

Oh how my soul weeps 😢😭

Blessings thru' Raindrops

A sleepless night. Another dawn.

Thinking of the past. 

Looking at the present. 

Praying for the future. 

Looking at my phone,

Wondering what happened

Wishing the scars away

So that I can be the typical guy.

And then this chorus sings right into my heart:

"Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise?"  (** Blessings by Laura Story)

In my heart break and disappointment,

The aching and silent tear drops,

Lift my eyes that I may see,

You being with me.

In my fear and confusion,

And all my ignorance and mistakes

Be my strength and cover me

With Your love and grace.

In all my pleas You've heard me,

So lift my eyes over the horizon,

To see the blessings coming over,

For me, for comfort, for love, for life.

And this chorus sings right into my heart:

"Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise?"

And so I prayed and wondered,

What if all these pain and heartbreak were necessary

To make me into the person that He wants me to be,

For some purpose that I still cannot see,

For that someone who will share my life?

Another Heartbreak

My heart weeps silently,
Oh, then it screams and shouts
Why?! What's wrong with me?
Does one failed relationship
Mean that I have failed in life?
Does one failed promise
Mean that I can never succed next time?
Why leave me now
When I've bared my soul and heart?

My heart shatters,
Into a million pieces and more
Like ground powder it becomes.
And it quivers and whimpers
I tried. I really really tried.
I persisted as u wld have me do
And i wished that things were different
Maybe i shouldn't have said it then.
If only....

My heart; the pieces glisten in the light
And then it evaporates,
Oh that beautiful sublime.
It declares in a rainbow colour
I loved you. I truly do.
And i wished that u had loved me too.

An Overdue Entry

Fine drops of evening rain pelting down on me. Its cold and wet, and my thoughts drifted; what little secrets do i have that she does not know. Not my gloomy crushing history, but something private. Maybe cheeky. Maybe...

And i remembered that i once wrote. The ramblings and rantings of a heart, impoverished from the lack of human touch. And so here it is: another entry into this quiet little chronicle of mine ~ :)

The Unspoken Words

It was dusk just before the sun hid under the horizon with its amber glow. The coolness and beauty of the moment combined fittingly with peaceful inner solitude. So many words to describe it. So many emotions and thoughts. But these never came.

And like that moment, floundering always in trying to vocalize my thoughts and feelings. The words that were rehearsed never came out, words of encouragement, sincere compliments, of concern and of love. I can't express myself to those I hold dear. Maybe it's because I don't understand the workings of informal social interactions, I don't know how it works. Maybe it's because I've been alone for too long. Maybe it's because I haven't had a real conversation in years~

But just like that beautiful sunset, those times will always be remembered and cherished quietly in my heart.

A Beautiful Lonely Morning

Such a beautiful morning. But such a lonely experience. To have the one I so hoped for so distant away. Sleeping in the dorm two hundred meters away. If only I had someone to share it with. If only ~ sigh. 

Stepping Onward

I've decided to change from writing about down times into sharing the favorite photos that I have taken. Photography is one of the most amazing things. Of course, I will still write a tad. I think. So i will start with this, which is currently my FB profile pic.


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Its the end of the tracks;
This is where the rails meet.
From the past that I had,
And to the future that I seek.

Between the barren metal bars
Upon the unforgiving rocks,
A little flower blossoms
Beneath the dancer's feet.

---------------------------------------

想着相见太晚

凌晨六点， 脑海里想着你
想着何时开始喜欢你，
想着是否应该爱上你，
是否该给我们个机会。

听着情歌，心里混乱悲伤
想着为何会相见太晚，
想着即将面临的分离，
是否应该放手，告别。

两人的路程稍微交叉，
不知不觉就产出火花，
而却快速的熄灭离别。
年龄差别距离长远
不该阻止相爱的心，
但我就没勇气接受，
就怕无法对你专一。

怀念最近，快乐欢喜不少
想着未来没你的日子，
想着心里挂念的可惜，
希望离别时不要流泪。

两人的路程稍微交叉，
不知不觉就产出火花，
而却快速的熄灭离别。
年龄差别距离长远
不该阻止相爱的心，
但我就没勇气接受，
就怕无法对你专一。

虽然认识不久，希望
以后的路别忘了我。
希望两人保留友情，
希望你会寻找真爱，
祝福你个美满将来。